THE FALL OF KLEPTOMANIAX!

Today am about to talk about some "fallen soldiers" in our kenyan music industry. even though some of them have resurfaced, we still ought to acknowledge the mega hits they released and left us dancing to their tunes.
My main focus is on the legendary KLEPTOMANIX group. The group consisted of three members: Roba (Robert Manyasa), Collo (Collins Majale) and Nyashinski (Nyamari Ongegu).

 Kleptomaniax were formed in 1999, when they were still high school students at the Nairobi School. The group joined the Ogopa DJ's label and released their first single, "Freak It" in 2002 and was followed by "Maniax Anthem" and "Haree."^[1] In 2004 the group released another single "Tuendelee", which became their biggest hit so far.

<sup>However, in 2007, the high-flying trio decided to dissolve their group. well people thought that they were just pulling a stunt and not until Nyashinki flew out of the country did it become crystal clear that there the odds had met. recently, in 2016, it was rumored that the trio was regrouping and coming together but oh well, that was what many hoped for but there was no going back.

Nyashinski however came back to the music industry with a boom shortly after getting back to the country. he has so far released a couple of major hit songs like MALAIKA, MUNGU PEKEE, HAYAWANI amongst others.</sup>

 ^{Collo on the other side who recently wedded in a private wedding is now believed to be a gospel artist but is still seen dancing to secular tunes. the whereabouts of the other legendary arstist is still unclear but we all hope that the trio reunites or else this generation will know no hitracks like "Swing Swing" and "Tuendelee ama tusiendelee". kids born in the 90s and experienced their childhood and teenage in the 2000s will relate. now you know, am Profesa Kimenyi!
here are just but a few of their hit tracks.
 1.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlyfpQMoGrs -haree
2.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwLqF8KupQk -tuendelee
3.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjmnDx8Eqgg -psycho
4. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fRaallnoshg -bado niko} 

MEMES,, THE DAILY DRUG!

In the last couple of years, memes have evolved into a major way of communication! A meme is an image, video, or a piece of text that satirically exposes a situation. initially, memes were used as a form of educating masses as well as in businesses.

Anyway, that's for the whites-consumption. back on our home ground-Kenya, memes are used to criticize situations. think of anything, any trending issue or occurrences, Kenyans will always be there to react!  what seems to amuse me the most is, just like there's the friend-zone - guys are being comedy zoned due to their memes-generation prowess! funny right. a popular meme king is Gsongz, what he does for a living is clearly criticizing people and situations. unachekesha mtu unaangukia jackpot!

Recently we've had memes on the swearing-in of the peoples president, the robbery at KCB bank thika, the controversial eye witness among others

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so my fellow ninjas! next time you try winning a ladies heart, try memes! you'll make her wet. now you know, am Profesa Kimenyi!

SO NOW THAT WE HAVE SAMANTHA, WHAT NEXT?!

"oyah bro, si unisave na samantha yako!" now this is where brotherhood is headed with the current trending situation -Samantha the sex doll. the smart sexdoll, built by a Barcelona-based engineer Sergi Santos, listens, talks, sets the mood, and ultimately whips users into a frenzy. Mr Santos says Samantha can remember someone she has interacted with in the past, as she communicates according to the way they were treated before.

well, this is a topic of discussion as it has been met with a lot of criticism from both ends as people claim using a samantha is as good as masturbating. i wouldn't want to take sides on this as am a strong believer of "Raha jipe mwenyewe" so someone ought to do what he/she feels right about, so long as it doesn't jeopardize the privacy or rights of another person.

oh well, away with philosophies. what caught my attention the most is the fact that the sex doll actually experiences orgasms and in fact c*ms when you stroke her g-spot. similarly, it may experience a headache if you fail to "do it" well.(okay joking, i just made that last part up).

what seems to amuse me is that ladies who were hard on accepting the samantha saga have also come up with "their own replica of sex doll" called christopher! ati wakiapisha tunaapisha! what even.

anyway, enough for the day. but stay woke fam! naskia wanaume ni wale wale! bado utakuta boychild alimanga samantha ya beshte yake! now you know, am Profesa Kimenyi!

NEWS ANCHORS RUMOURED TO HAVE LUNGULAD SPONSORS//THEIR BOSSES!!

Since time immemorial, people have been practicing ‘lungula’ in exchange of opportunities. so, it’s not a wonder when we hear people being rumored to have slept with their bosses.

 welcome to the world of women living off sponsors, where lust and money overpowers love. Well its evident that women are the most affected and don’t be fooled that these old men are sleeping with their wives as they sleep around with our potential girlfriends. Only few of us at this age have money to splash on these girls unlike our older counterparts.

 The Kenyan media industry, to be precise, is morally rotten. For a long time, we’ve been having s3x scandals of the top media houses where female workers sleep with their bosses in exchange of material things and top job positions. Ladies are forced to wear miniskirts so as to attract viewers. Most of them being soft hearted, they tend to oblige just to retain their jobs.

We’re not saying that the whole media fraternity is rotten, but there are a few key players who are perfect in whoring and being able to retain their jobs and top positions. 

Here’s a compiled list of female media personalities who have been having sexual adventure with their bosses as well as sponsors In exchange of cars, money, promotions etc.

"The KEY to success" is the key-gongi, so they say. Now You Know, am Profesa Kimenyi!

TAKO SI TAKO!! HERE ARE TRIBES WHOSE WOMEN DISPLAY BEAUTIFUL BEHINDS!

Kenyan women are among the most blessed in Africa owing to their rich and curvy physique i.e. Ass-ets. Well, dating back to the biblical ages, men have always been known to fall for ladies depending on how curvy they appear. Call it lust or whatever name you can give it but all men are believed to be ass-matic except those who of course tend to defy the law of nature.

So, people keep asking, “na Kimenyi mbona unapenda kuongelea ‘sendee’ ivi” well trust me, I would love to write about Racism under president Trump in the US or rather the long awaited swearing in of the people’s president but oh well, you have clicked on this article coz you don’t want to be told about Donald Trump or Raila Odinga. You are not Alone and You will never thirst alone. It’s not anyone’s fault that the universe is skyrocketing towards Sodom and Gomorrah. Your pastor can’t prevent you from loving ass, can he? Neither can your mama!

So, shall we begin!

First of all, if you’re a Kikuyu lady, kindly look away. Ass-ume you didn’t see this. It’s said that God doesn’t give you everything, so when God was distributing resources in Kenya, he chose to give Kikuyu women pretty faces, denying them great asses and allocated these precious resources on their chests. well discuss THE WANGECI EFFECT soon. Also, women from other counties whose asses look like the rear of a Toyota probox, Mimi siwataji.  

So some people argue that women from a certain tribe having great asses is just but a stereotype but well, who said that if you’re a Luo you must have an ass? Life can’t be fair to everyone you know. Here are some of the Kenyan communities whose female have exhibited admirable natural curvy physique that can lure a man from his marital home.

SWAHILI

Most of these fine mamas are found in the coastal region. They grace the floors with seductive dances which involves shaking their bums as they dance to the Taarab beats. A saying goes that arriving in Mombasa is easy but leaving is difficult. It’s a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the charms of the coastal city and a caution to visitors from upcountry.

AKAMBA

There’s a common stereotype that the Kamba ladies love ‘lungula’ and can do anything just to get that D-appointment. Most of the Kamba ladies are believed to have great asses as well as good in bed. Don’t ask me how they acquire such fine bodies as they come from dry regions coz I also can’t tell. Am just doing my job you know.

ABAGUSII

I ASS-ume you’ve all heard of Corazon Kwamboka, the beautiful law student who graced our social media with seductive pics of her ‘boorey’. Well before then I never knew that Kisii ladies had anything to be proud of apart from the fact that they love bananas but what do we say. They’ve now emerged in large numbers to showcase their blessed behinds and uphold their tribes reputation.

 LUO and LUHYA

There are various reasons why Luo and Luhya women are known to provide a butt buffet for Kenya’s populace. These reasons veer between religion and science but I can assure you if there was a Butt Competition to be held, these two tribes would fight for the top most position.

So dear boychild, next time “ukitaka kumla nguruwe, chagua aliyenona”. Now You Know, am Profesa Kimenyi!

MONEY TALKS! KABOGO UNLEASHED!

Former Kiambu Governor, William Gitau Kabogo is popular among the young and old counterparts from his well-off livelihood and lavish lifestyle. He is known to own a number of state of the art automobiles and two helicopters which he used while moving around the vast country during his tenure as governor. He is believed to be a business tycoon and is quite influential in the country. Money talks you know!

William Kabogo is a family man, which he doesn’t really hide from the public domain. He’s husband to Philomena Kabogo and father of two; Alvin Kabogo and Andrew Kabogo.

 He is known for his affluent lifestyle and even though he had managed to keep information regarding his houses, cars and net worth away from the limelight and the eyes of the media, his net worth is rumored to be approximately $210 million (Ksh’ 22Billion)

Whenever the question “who drives the most expensive car in Kenya” is asked, Kabogo’s name will appear in the list. The former governor is reported to own a fleet of expensive cars, two helicopters as well as a Duggati superbike valued at approximately 2million.

Kabogo owns a number of mansions as he’s among the few politicians in Kenya believed to own fortresses. One of his sons, Alvin Kabogo alias Kabogo junior recently flaunted pictures of a luxurious 16-bedroom mansion in Windsor. Its reported to have two swimming pools, a helipad, a jacuzzi and it offers a breathtaking view of one of the prime estates in the country.

 His son is also rumored to have thrown a 0ne million birthday party in the UK.

 Pesa ni kitu mzuri jameni! Now You Know, am Profesa Kimenyi