Kenyan women are among the most blessed in Africa owing to
their rich and curvy physique i.e. Ass-ets. Well, dating back to the biblical
ages, men have always been known to fall for ladies depending on how curvy they
appear. Call it lust or whatever name you can give it but all men are believed
to be ass-matic except those who of course tend to defy the law of nature.
So, people keep asking, “na Kimenyi mbona unapenda kuongelea
‘sendee’ ivi” well trust me, I would love to write about Racism under president
Trump in the US or rather the long awaited swearing in of the people’s
president but oh well, you have clicked on this article coz you don’t want to
be told about Donald Trump or Raila Odinga. You are not Alone and You will
never thirst alone. It’s not anyone’s fault that the universe is skyrocketing
towards Sodom and Gomorrah. Your pastor can’t prevent you from loving ass, can
he? Neither can your mama!
So, shall we begin!
First of all, if you’re a Kikuyu lady, kindly look away.
Ass-ume you didn’t see this. It’s said that God doesn’t give you everything, so
when God was distributing resources in Kenya, he chose to give Kikuyu women
pretty faces, denying them great asses and allocated these precious resources
on their chests. well discuss THE WANGECI EFFECT soon. Also, women from other
counties whose asses look like the rear of a Toyota probox, Mimi siwataji.
So some people argue that women from a certain tribe having
great asses is just but a stereotype but well, who said that if you’re a Luo
you must have an ass? Life can’t be fair to everyone you know. Here are some of
the Kenyan communities whose female have exhibited admirable natural curvy
physique that can lure a man from his marital home.
SWAHILI
Most of these fine mamas are found in the coastal region.
They grace the floors with seductive dances which involves shaking their bums
as they dance to the Taarab beats. A saying goes that arriving in Mombasa is
easy but leaving is difficult. It’s a tongue-in-cheek commentary on the charms
of the coastal city and a caution to visitors from upcountry.
AKAMBA
There’s a common stereotype that the Kamba ladies love
‘lungula’ and can do anything just to get that D-appointment. Most of the Kamba
ladies are believed to have great asses as well as good in bed. Don’t ask me
how they acquire such fine bodies as they come from dry regions coz I also can’t
tell. Am just doing my job you know.
ABAGUSII
I ASS-ume you’ve all heard of Corazon Kwamboka, the
beautiful law student who graced our social media with seductive pics of her
‘boorey’. Well before then I never knew that Kisii ladies had anything to be
proud of apart from the fact that they love bananas but what do we say. They’ve
now emerged in large numbers to showcase their blessed behinds and uphold their
tribes reputation.
LUO and LUHYA
There are various reasons why Luo and Luhya women are known
to provide a butt buffet for Kenya’s populace. These reasons veer between religion
and science but I can assure you if there was a Butt Competition to be held,
these two tribes would fight for the top most position.
So dear boychild, next time “ukitaka kumla nguruwe, chagua
aliyenona”. Now You Know, am Profesa Kimenyi!
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